I feel like I'm suffocating. Maybe a heart attack. Like my chest is one unit that I can rip out and put on a shelf. Stress, anxiety. A friend mentioned the other day about Robin and I fulfilling our dreams. A pair of months like the past, I wonder if its all worth it. With all that dream fulfilling, there is an equal amount of gut wrenching stress that goes along with it. Is there a way to have one and not the other? I honestly think there is. And I think that is my next goal, my next dream.
My main problem is that with all of the mistakes I make, I personally learn what not to do. Which is great, but that just means that next time, I personally have to do everything myself (the right way). This is a dilemma because I cannot possibly go though another distribution process on another film mostly by myself. This is no way to live. At all. I feel like if I have to endure one more of these, one more Champion, something's gotta give. I cannot possibly do it again. Period. I have told many people and now I will tell you. I have worked on our most recent film Champion every single day for the past 1 1/2 years. Except for about 12 days of inner mingled weekend vacations. ONE AND A HALF YEARS. I am tired of it. Please take this cup from me.
Again I ask, is it worth it? The answer is no. No, not if I continue on the present course. So how do I make it worth it? I can start by hiring experienced people in a few of the offending positions to do most of this stuff I am doing now. All of the stuff I have been doing for the past 2 months should have been done during production, not by me but by the person I hired to do the job originally. This sounds so easy, but it costs money. More money that we usually spend on films. That's how we can make films so inexpensively, you wear all the hats you can.
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