My life up to now. Part 10: A Big Purple Book of Possibilities

Leftovers won Best Feature at the Woman's Image Network Festival in Los Angeles in 2009. Official Selection at LA Women's International Film Festival 2010 (this one happened later). We were well on our way. With our 2nd movie in hand, we bought some big purple book that listed all distributors and buyers that were active that year. For the life of me, I can't remember what the book was called but it was a serious piece of literature. Robin and I started cold calling distributors and even buyers. Buyers that loved the genre… Lifetime, WE, Fox Family… you know, all of those guys. A few of them called us back asking for screeners. I remember Lifetime in particular. We sent them a screener and never heard back from them. And then, a few weeks after our last communication with anyone, we got a call from one of the distributors we sent a screener to.

I remember standing out on my back porch, on the phone. I remember this conversation perfectly. It was 7:42pm on a Tuesday. The sun was falling just under my fence line in my backyard spreading a golden glow across my entire neighborhood. I didn't have shoes on… barefoot, playing with the grass between my toes I mulled over the incredible news that gave us a great revelation that would one day change us. Honesty and truth were in the air and it had changed Robin and I's outlook forever. You see, moments ago… that phone call from the distributor, would eventually send us in a new direction, reset our course and blow up our spirits all at the same time. The man was not interested in our movie. In fact, no one was. Not Lifetime, not WE, Fox Family, no distributors from A-Z in the big purple book possibilities. But that night we were given something better. We were given advice. And sometimes that is the push we need to send us to our next level. Unfortunately, we were too hurt, tired and angry to see it. You see, we weren't ready for distribution. What we did not realize until much later is that the advice he gave us would have set a new plan in motion, a roadmap to show us where we were supposed to go and how we were going to get there.

It was 7:41pm when Mr. Distributor said, "No one wants to watch a bunch of women sit around and talk about their feelings". Instead of arguing with him, I couldn't. I couldn't because I knew exactly what he was talking about. If I hadn't made the movie myself, I would never actually go and see this movie at the theater. Ever. I just always thought that someone would but I neglected to listen to my most trusted critic, Me. We hung up with Mr. Distributor and that's when it happened.

It's over. I vowed never to make another film again. I told Robin I was finished. I had a great job at NewTek designing products that I believed in… that I had childhood dreams and memories of. Why the heck do I need more than that? I am done. After years and years of rejection, heart-ache, going broke, in debt up to my eyeballs, being lied to, being pushed around, being the brunt of broken promises, I just didn't have it in me anymore.

I fell off the edge of the world.

I sold all of my film gear. I took a sledge hammer to the sheetrock and demolished the $8000 sound studio addition on our house. I stayed in the pit of depression for a year. Robin kept working on scripts. She was the trooper amongst the devastation.